Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
