Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
there is glitter all over my balls
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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