And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
