DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
