I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
