yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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