mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
