I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
