You're completely useless in the revolution.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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