All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
