I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
