Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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