Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
