strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
