kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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