then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
