...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
