Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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