it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
