my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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