Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
