I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
