I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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