I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
