Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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