I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
