Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
