It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
