I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
