sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize