Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
