so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
