bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good thing I've started drinking again