I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
never play flip cup with pint glasses
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
