Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown

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  (269): Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown http://tfl.nu/j7bk
  Replies (3) Good night (1593) Bad night (625)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.

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  (817): My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday. http://tfl.nu/n9me
  Replies (20) Good night (1007) Bad night (2809)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  God, you're like boner-b-gone

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  (305): God, you're like boner-b-gone http://tfl.nu/0pn8
  Replies (10) Good night (1186) Bad night (5533)
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  (714): View more from California

  My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.

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  (714): My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win. http://tfl.nu/b8se
  Replies (15) Good night (5302) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am

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  (513): walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am http://tfl.nu/e35n
  Replies (13) Good night (3644) Bad night (952)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

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  (913): I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name? http://tfl.nu/qxdg
  Replies (3) Good night (2824) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.

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  (610): I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead. http://tfl.nu/hl2l
  Replies (10) Good night (2786) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.

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  (859): you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so. http://tfl.nu/9261
  Replies (5) Good night (2536) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone

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  (630): At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone http://tfl.nu/tam4
  Replies (4) Good night (1121) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."

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  (901): I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower." http://tfl.nu/7vf5
  Replies (4) Good night (1800) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?

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  (757): SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get? http://tfl.nu/a9m1
  Replies (12) Good night (1202) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.

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  (310): thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones. http://tfl.nu/qrwe
  Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower

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  (585): I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower http://tfl.nu/ravu
  Replies (0) Good night (631) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right

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  (306): Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right http://tfl.nu/4x80
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor

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  (609): I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor http://tfl.nu/zg4s
  Replies (1) Good night (371) Bad night (371)

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