Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.

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  (949): She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree. http://tfl.nu/gm08
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (474)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.

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  (847): he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants. (1-847): you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him. http://tfl.nu/yg4d
  Replies (25) Good night (543) Bad night (2851)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?

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  (802): Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase? http://tfl.nu/m4dc
  Replies (7) Good night (2368) Bad night (576)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

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  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4769) Bad night (705)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

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  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (11431) Bad night (1195)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.

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  (570): you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you. http://tfl.nu/anwq
  Replies (7) Good night (869) Bad night (4418)
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  (626): View more from California

  One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska

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  (626): One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska http://tfl.nu/5za1
  Replies (16) Good night (4544) Bad night (1387)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.

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  (360): Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites. http://tfl.nu/6ydr
  Replies (3) Good night (1064) Bad night (498)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.

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  (717): My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos. http://tfl.nu/1tew
  Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (476)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

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  (503): I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G http://tfl.nu/pzjk
  Replies (5) Good night (1740) Bad night (509)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?

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  (571): Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today? http://tfl.nu/1p94
  Replies (3) Good night (1325) Bad night (514)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores

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  (315): I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores http://tfl.nu/za4f
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (291)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?

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  (401): Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer? http://tfl.nu/x506
  Replies (0) Good night (403) Bad night (716)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close

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  (901): How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close http://tfl.nu/pa4w
  Replies (7) Good night (520) Bad night (291)
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  (315): View more from New York

  In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?

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  (315): In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise? http://tfl.nu/go2f
  Replies (3) Good night (157) Bad night (260)

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