3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.