you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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