i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.