Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
