On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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