Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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