It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
