We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
