i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
