Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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