Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
