Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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