I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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