Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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