I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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