I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
