I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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