So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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