I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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