I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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