when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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