You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
