party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
