you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
