btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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