hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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