During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
