I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
