shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize