just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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