we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
