He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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