try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
