Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
