I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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