I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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