that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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