thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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