I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
