Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
