It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
