I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
