dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
