Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize