just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
