Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
