The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
