u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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