maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
