I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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