I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Porn is love you can see.
It's Friday. Sex?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
