i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who died my cat blue again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
